I'm home! Life on the other side of TPP has been amusing. I miss how even though I was super busy this summer I still had hours of alone time with my Jesus. Here at Taylor, I am guilt ridden because of the Homework I always seem to have choking me so I somehow use that as an excuse from spending the much needed time with God. The amusing part is that everyone really likes me now. My accountability partner says it's because I have a new confidence. But whatever... I'm learning how to cultivate an active and lively walk with the Lord in any circumstance. I'm returning to Pittsburgh this October, I can't wait to be there again! I'm glad Jackie might be coming because then I'll have her giving me strength to come back to Indiana after that weekend is over. I do look forward to Ireland! January can't come fast enough! Well, that's all for now! Love ya all!

So, I feel as if I'm in a beautiful place right now. I am not a bit anxious to be home but at the same time, I know it is fast approaching. I am starting to look forward to going home and seeing my friends but I'm neither consumed by it or dreading it. I am loving every minute of being here.

Dom, my main LIT, has finally opened up to me. After a long summer of one word answers and plenty of jokes, he has finally allowed me to see a part of his heart. Everyday I have with these kids proves more and more that God wants to use me in a powerful way. Dom has been on this kick lately calling me a hick. I really don't think he knows what a hick is... but none the less it's pretty funny. One day this week he came up to me acting all tough and cool and asked how we were going to continue this relationship thing when I go back to hickville. My heart smiled because of how he was trying to act all cool but his heart was very visible. He gave me his phone number and then he told me that he would come visit me and go line dancing with me in hick country. Tasha, my other LIT, and I have been getting really close. We go shopping together and out to eat. It's really cool to see a 15 year old hang out with a bunch of college girls. It brings a lot of laughter and silliness into the mix. I see a compassionate heart in Tasha the more time I spend with her. She cares for those who are hurting. I can see a lot of myself in her.

This summer has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I have cried and laughed (A LOT). I have loved and been loved in return (A LOT). I have matured into more of the woman God wants me to be. I've learned a lot and been blessed a lot. I have finally had some significant progress in my journey toward healing. And it was something that was allowed, even encouraged here. Every time I found a reason to give up and keep my heart hard, someone came along and told me that that wasn't allowed. I have spent a significant part of my life being so hard on myself that at times I felt as if I couldn't breathe underneath the pressure. Coming to a place where the people refused to let me be hard on myself during this particular part of my journey changed my life. I hated everyone around at first because I felt as though they were lying to me, telling me I'm beautiful, and that it's okay to feel angry and sad about unjust things that happen to me. My strongholds were screaming at me because they were no longer safe in the place they had created in my heart. But God is changing that. More and bigger holes are being chiseled out of my thick cocoon where God's light is shining though brighter and brighter everyday.

I look forward to going home and sharing with my friends all the amazing things God has done in me and through me this summer!

Half Way Point

As of yesterday at 12pm I completed half of my summer here at the Pittsburgh Project. I'm swimming in a sea of emotion right now. I feel like I am falling more in love with God everyday, I'm here. The other day in my quiet time I asked God if he loved me. He said, "Yes!" But then here's where it gets deep. I asked God if he loved that scared and hurt little girl inside my heart, and do want to know what He said? He said, "Yes, especially her!" Two weekends ago I got the opportunity to have a glimpse of what it would be like to hold God's hand and touch His face. I have learned that if you accept love properly, it won't become something you crave selfishly. I have had love lavished upon me in so many ways this summer and I look forward to showering it back on God every time. Another thing I have learned is that we need to love people in their love language. My love language is physical touch (can't beat a good hug!). So I look forward to find ways to lavish love on my brothers and sisters when I get home.

I've also made another decision since being here. I have decided that my life is better when I lay it at the Lord's feet. Before coming to Pittsburgh for the summer, I prayed that they wouldn't hire me so I couldn't go. I almost decided to call them and tell them I wasn't coming. But I decided to give God's way a try. This summer has been the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Because of that I have decided that God's way is always so much better than my way.

Could you all please pray for one of my leadership students who works with me. Last Sunday he was at the Pirates/CUBS game and one of his friends didn't show up. The reason he didn't show up was because he was shot in the head and rushed to the hospital. Later that evening he died. My LIT went to the hospital and heard the devastating news. He showed up to work on Monday and seemed fine. But then all day he was rapping songs that had to do with shooting people in the head. My heart hurts for him. This is so common in the neighborhoods these kids live in. In the last 2 weeks we've had 3 people shot to death on the North side of Pittsburgh. The gun shots were easy to mask because of the fireworks on the Fourth of July. Pray that the kids in those neighborhoods are kept safe and that their hearts don't become harden.

Love you all!

Okay, so the past two weeks were so life-changing for me. I must admit I am blown away by God's Grace and love in my life. My life has finally slipped into a place where my specific calling in life has gone from imaginary to reality. I knew urban ministry was where I was called to minister, but then I had my doubts. After being rejected last summer for two amazing urban ministry internships I wondered if God was closing the door for urban ministry in my life. Then I got accepted to be on staff at the Pittsburgh Project this summer. I get here and I'm immediately working along side inner-city youth. At first they didn't talk to me and acted all tough and I was intimidated. I've worked with them for 4 weeks now and I am so amazed and overjoyed at what God is doing. The kids are opening up to me because they trust me and then two days ago something amazing happened. We had a break from customers and it was kind of cool out so my LIT, Tasha, and I went and sat out in the sun. After sitting there for awhile and talking, my LIT, Tasha, laid her head on my lap. She felt safe enough to lay her head on my lap! They call me Miss Amanda which makes my heart smile. I feel complete inside when I am talking with my LITs, I no longer feel insecure or fearful when I am with them. I just feel like an instrument of God's love and grace toward them. All the other staff members wonder how I get my LITs to talk because they don't talk to anyone else on staff besides me. It is those times when I know this is God telling me that this is what I was created for. I'm realizing that to have an impact on a person doesn't have to be a one time big event that caused that impact but the gradual day by day stuff.

So, I just finished my first week of work and I'm already well on my way for the next. I'm already thinking about the end of this amazing summer and how I can't yet bear to imagine myself leaving this place. I do miss my friends back home dearly, but I wish there were some way they can be transported here with me in Pittsburgh! The atmosphere is so amazing. We work together, sleep in the same room/building together, eat together, and hang out together. I'm building good relationships. I do miss the openness I share with my friends back home though because the people here are a little more closed. I start to share things of the heart and they get uneasy but after awhile they start to open up themselves or at least listen better, just because I decided to be transparent.

Just last night I had a conversation with a non-Christian staff member. I was dealing with some issues and other staff members tried to cheer me up but I just felt condemned. Afterwards I talked with the non-Christian and I had a breakthrough. My mentor, Pastor Clinton, has been talking about Evangelicalism in our Bible Study back home for awhile now and I don't think I totally understood until last night. I am still processing it all but I know now that I am tired of this fake Christianeeze. I want to be real with myself and the world. People can judge me if they want but in the end it's not them who really judge me, but God.

First day of work!

Well, today was the first day of work. I didn't know what to expect because I wasn't prepared very well by my supervisors. I did well considering I didn't know how to use the cash register or how to make shaved ice when I started work today. Luckily my supervisor's husband came to help me and showed me how to do those things. I was told I would have an LIT with me today, an LIT is a student involved in the Leaders In Training Program. I thought that LITs work only an hour at a time so I didn't know that I would have an LIT all day! I was a total gift from God! Dominique was his name and he's an awesome kid. I'm excited to get to know him. All my LITs are African American so I'm getting some cultural experience as well. I grew up in a neighborhood where I, a white person, was a minority, but that was some time ago and I'm realizing how much I miss the African American culture.

Weekend life here at the project is somewhat boring. We are on our own for food so that can be a bummer sometimes. All I did yesterday was read, then at night a few of us went to The Cheese Cake Factory for dinner and putt putt golf after that. I had a blast but that was the extent of the blastfullness. I expect the blastlessness (funny word :) ) on the weekends will be a much needed break to the work we put in around here. I talked to my good friend Bre yesterday briefly and she encouraged me by reminding me that Jesus is the vine and I am the branch, therefore I get all my nourishment and strength from Him. Thank God! Anyways, thank you all for praying for me and I hope you are doing well. I keep you all in my prayers every day!

Well, training is finally over and the Smoothie shack opens tomorrow. I made my first smoothie on Thursday. Smoothies are fun to make! Everyone here calls me smoothie girl. I guess that's fair but smoothies aren't my life, they're just going to be a very big part of my life for 8 or 9 weeks. I finally got my schedule for the summer. I will be working between 45-50 hours a week in the smoothie shack and 5-10 hours a week outside the smoothie shack, ordering supplies, picking up supplies, mentoring my employees, doing laundry for the rags and aprons and other odd jobs. When I first looked at all that was required of me, I started doubting I could do it. Then God's peace washed over me and I realized that this is what God wanted. He wanted me to leave those people I loved so dearly and put me in a place where what they were requiring me to do seemed overly impossible so that I can fully rely on Him. Am I intimidated? Yes, if I said I wasn't I'd only be fooling myself. Do I feel overwhelmed with the tasks that lie ahead? Yes. I cannot do this all by myself, so it is forcing me to do something my self-reliance has always warned me about, trust. Trusting God to be that strength and stamina when I feel like I cannot make another smoothie to save my life, Trusting God to hold me up when my feet like they are going to collapse any moment from fatigue, and Trusting God to love me unconditionally through it all, so that I can love His children the same way. Of course, I may over reacting a little but nevertheless I have to lean hard into Christ this summer and somehow, someway that scares me to death but in the same breath excites me beyond understanding! Please be praying for me because my nature will want to rely on my own strength this summer but I am determined that God will be the rock in which I stand in every thing I do.

Today was our first day off and a couple of us went to The Three Rivers Arts Festival downtown Pittsburgh. I had a caricature done of my face. It's pretty cool, I'll put a picture up here when I get a chance. It's so humid in Pittsburgh that my hair is actually curly. So my caricature has curly hair. The Pittsburgh Project doesn't serve meals on the weekend so we are on our own for meals. While we were out we stopped into McDonald's for a bite to eat and they had SWEET ICED TEA in a ginormous (catch the Elf-ism there?) cup for only a $1. It made my day, I wish Indiana had that!

Anyways, I'm meeting with the summer pastoral staff member on Monday to pray that I can move past looking to others for love and affection and move toward trusting God's love and affection for me. I was reading My Utmost for His Highest this morning in my devotions and it was talking about obsessions. We as Christians should be obsessed with God's presence in our lives and if we are obsessed with God's presence in our lives than we won't have to be worried, scared, insecure, or doubtful anymore. That is my goal this summer. To move towards a God obsession. Not a religion obsession or a Christian obsession but a God obsession!

Pittsburgh, PA! Photos

http://tayloru.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017339&l=351b0&id=179201431

My first week in PA!

Howdy all! Well, I’m in the good ol’ city of Pittsburgh, PA now! Other than the fact it is extremely difficult to drive in Pittsburgh (I got lost five times getting here and all five times it was in Pittsburgh.) I love Pittsburgh! Thanks for those who warned me about the driving! It’s beautiful here! I can already tell this is going to be a HUGE growing experience for me!! The Pittsburgh Project is a very laid-back organization and you kind of have to go with the flow. When I got here I was hot and sweaty from driving in my car with the AC on only occasionally for 7 ½ hours. I was hoping for lots of structure because I didn’t know anyone or anything about what was going on. The structure I wanted was not there. It was overwhelming but I overcame it! (I didn’t cry!)

By the next (Wednesday) morning I was excited and ready to conquer the day! We have two weeks of training before real work begins. So, on Wednesday we went to a local park and did some group games for the staff to get to know each other more and instill into us the importance of communication. We split up into groups and my group was group five. I got to know my group really well. They laughed at me a lot, which is good because that means that I was being myself! J There’s a lot of summer staff here at the Pittsburgh Project. After dinner on Wednesday the girls took a trip into town and went to Station Square. They had this awesome light and fountain show where the lights and fountain was synchronized to music. We were totally being tourists! Then we went up the incline which is a little train that you can ride up Mount Washington. Once on top of the mountain you can see the sky line of Pittsburg perfectly. BEAUTIFUL! I still haven’t convinced myself that it’s more beautiful than Indy but who knows what can happen. While we were up there we got some ice cream and waited till the sun went down so we could see the sky line at night. Again, BEAUTIFUL! I took lots of pictures and made some new friends.

Then, Thursday, we went from door to door inviting people to the block party we are having tomorrow for the neighborhood and we picked up trash while doing it. It was fun… Pittsburgh houses are so different from houses in the mid-west. They are all so close together and weird looking but I’m excited to get to experience new things. After lunch the IT guy came around and hooked us all to the internet. YAY! Then I met with my supervisor for the first time (I told you the Pittsburgh Project was a very laid-back organization). For some reason though I got this feeling that my supervisor, Bethany, thinks of me as this really insecure girl who she has to apologize to all the time. I mean sure I have some insecurities but I'm not someone who is needy or anything like that. I talked to my roommates about it and they said that Bethany is naturally the type that apologizes for everything, so that made me feel better.

Yesterday was Friday and it was crazy! We had our block party and so the whole day was preparing for the party. I was in charge of games for elementary age students. The leaders of the Pittsburgh Project found out that I was a clown in my former life...lol... so they put me in charge of making balloon animals. I didn't bring my costume but I brought my nose so I was able to come up with an outfit that made me look like a clown. The kids loved it! My finger that I used to tie off the balloons is bruised, but hey, now I have a battle wound for Christ. After it was all over, Saleem, the leader of the Pittsburgh Project took all the summer staff out to a restaurant and paid for our bill! I had so much fun! I also met a guy who has never kissed before and says he is saving his first kiss for his wife. That is so rare these days and is to be admired. But just so you know, I still love those people in this world who have already been kissed :) All in all, this week has been a growing experience and an amazing journey of friendship, trust, peace, and joy!